“…I can’t take it anymore…” That’s the message I received when we landed in Malaysia, we were 8 hours apart, he was in the UK.
I messaged him a question back and waited…
I looked at the phone… but there was only one gray tick on the WhatsApp, which meant the message I sent was not delivered. I waited a few minutes, checked again and still the same… not delivered.
Did he do anything to himself? or is he still alive? That’s the question that I had and I could not get the answer…
I waited an hour… still the same
The thoughts started becoming more and more intense, is he alive or not?
Two, three, four hours passed, still the message was not delivered…
The previous night, before we got on the plane I had prayed for him at 2 am. When I called him, he was trembling in fear and he was really scared, he said he did not want to die. His voice was really shaky, he could not stop the dark thoughts coming in, he sounded very tormented. He shared that during the day he was ready to jump under the train, the only thing that stopped him was his newborn son…
These were the longest hours I have ever had to wait…
At last, after around 8 hours, I saw the two blue ticks, which meant he finally received the message and saw it. It took him a while before he answered but finally, he did. – That was person A.
Person B
“I cannot be forgiven”, he was shaking and looked really scared. I was kneeling down and looking into the eyes of a homeless man.
I had seen him many times before, but this time when I was passing by with my wife and when he asked “spare change”, for some reason I felt strongly compelled to stop. I found myself asking, “what would you like God to do for you”. He was taken back by the question, he was visibly shaking and he said, “I cannot be forgiven”, so I knelt down and looked into his eyes and asked: “do you want to be free from the unforgiveness right now”?
When I met him the second time, he was better but he said that there were very strong voices inside him and were telling him to kill himself…
Person C
I was crossing the street to a restaurant in Cyprus, it was a company event, after a full day of planning the next quarter we were exhausted and about to sit down to eat dinner. I was on the phone, I heard “If I met him… I would … to him” I heard an angry, irritated and deeply frustrated voice. He had enough…
He could not take any longer the constant dark series of rejections, disappointments, and failures. In frustrations, he hit his own face with his own fists because he could not find a way to express the depth of the internal torment.
Later on, when he opened up he shared that he reached a point that he was ready to drill an electric drill into his own head. He just could not take it any longer. In order to support himself, he was working as a handyman and that further triggered the frustrations. He could not stand it. The internal frustrations have reached a boiling point.
So, how does that work?
It was very obvious that it was not an overnight situation for any of these men.
Based on a source of pressure, one must have played a specific “movie” in one’s minds over and over with graphic details and strong intensity to arrive at such a state.
To be able to reach this point one must choose to hold onto specific kinds of seeds (thoughts and images) in one’s heart for a long enough period in order for the seed to be able to: first, germinate that take root and finally produce fruits to be ready for picking.
Why is that important?
Let’s have a look at “The Parable of the Growing Seed”
26 And He said, “The kingdom of God is as if a man should [a]scatter seed on the ground, 27 and should sleep by night and rise by day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he himself does not know how. 28 For the earth yields crops by itself: first the blade, then the head, after that the full grain in the head. 29 But when the grain ripens, immediately he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.” Mark 4:26-29
Is it just a cute religious story or could it contain an instruction demonstrating a specific spiritual law?
Each of these men have broken the spiritual laws and unfortunately, these laws worked against them.
Let’s break it down.
Firstly, there are four clear stages in the growth of a seed before the sickle can be applied and the fruit can be harvested. These are: first the blade, then the head, after that the full grain in the head and finally harvest. These three men were ready for picking.
Secondly, the seed grows by itself: one “…should sleep by night and rise by day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he himself does not know how. 28 For the earth yields crops by itself”, one does not know how but it does grow.”
Thirdly, it really does not matter what kind of seed it is, the seed will produce according to it’s kind.
When the seed (word, image) reaches the soil (heart), it will start producing by itself. It could be thoughts and imagination of success, hopelessness, adultery, better future, hope or suicide, it really does not matter, all these are seeds and they will produce by themselves and according to it’s kind, they will bear fruit when one chooses to hold onto them for long enough. The heart produces harvest by itself.
If you have a physical garden, I do not have to come and see what you’ve planted, I can come a few months later and see what has grown and I’ll know the seeds that you have used. What crop do you have?
What is the heart?
The biblical understanding of the heart differs from the current common use of the word heart. According to the bible the heart is occupied by the Spirit and the Soul (the emotions, the will, and the intellect). It is the intimate place where the seed first incubates, then germinates and grows to take a root and finally to produces fruits. It could be described as an incubator or a greenhouse.
How do we know what these terms mean? Jesus explains it in Mark 4 “And He said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? How then will you understand all the parables?” Mark 4:13 In other words, understanding the seed and the soil principles is the key to understanding the laws of the kingdom.
How does the process work?
Pressure has the potential to disturb the internal peace, if it happens and once the peace is stolen the imagination is attacked. A source of pressure is often identified with a person and it might cause unforgiveness that leads to the torment of the mind. Unforgiveness is born out of offenses, rejection and hurts. The territory is attacked inch by inch. Through offenses, hurts and unforgiveness the enemy takes away relationships, even with people who want to help, it isolates the individual and shows him self harm or suicide is the only way to solve the mess.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10
What kind of pressures?
When we look at these three men, they seem to have very similar circumstances, but let’s also look at what was underneath in the spiritual realm.
Physical realities
Person A: Massive debts
Person B: Lack of money
Person C: Massive debts
Spiritual Realities
Person A: Unforgiveness towards others, towards himself and offense
Person B: Deep unforgiveness towards others and towards himself
Person C: Deep unforgiveness towards his boss, self-hate, rejection, big disappointment with himself
Why forgiving is so important?
When I stopped for person B – the homeless man, I asked him, do you want to be free now, he answered he cannot be forgiven, I shared with him, that he can and gave him the reasons why and how it works, he struggled but he made a leap of faith and made the decision to do it.
Person C struggled to forgive his own boss, the bible says that we are to pray for those in the authority.
When I spoke to person A another day, I asked him, “do you have around 15-20 min and are you in a quiet time”, he said yes. I said “I feel there are some people to be forgiven”. First, he hesitated, so I asked him to read out loud Matthew 18
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down [a]at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you [b]all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother [c]his trespasses.” Matthew 18:21-35
Let’s dive right into another important spiritual law that we are to observe if we want to live a life filled with peace and joy.
What does the torment really mean? Torment means that we keep playing movies in our heads, we replay the same scene over and over in our heads. We come up with lines, how we should have answered, what we will tell them when we see them the next time. etc This is a torment of the mind.
Person A, immediately said “I get it” and he made a decision that he wanted to be free. When we prayed together and he was forgiving one person after another, he was being visibly more and more free. The tentacles of the kingdom of darkness were being broken one after another. His voice started changing, the pressure was leaving him and he clearly sounded changed.
How can we break the destructive path?
a. willing heart
First, for the change to enter there has to be a willing heart, meaning the person has to reach a point: “I admit that I need help, and I myself, I do not have the answers, I cannot do it with my own thinking”. A bit like in the AA program, one has to admit that there is a problem, it’s bigger than him and he needs help. Why is it important? Because God will not force his way overriding human’s will. Why? Because He gave mankind free will and He will not violate it, He is bound by His words.
Secondly, the will is the entrance to the heart. The same is with the relationship between two humans, first, there has to be a willing heart. e.g. husband and wife or in a business environment where a coach wants a student to succeed more than the student, it will not last, because the coach is not invited through the will to the heart. Through a willing heart, one can receive help.
b. Take Authority
As born again believers, we are given authority. Luke 10:19 says “Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”
Person D
It was nearly midnight, I needed to finish packing and go to bed because early morning we were flying out. I had just a few hours of sleep left. In the middle of the packing, I had a very strong impression to call person D.
First, I thought that maybe I did not hear it properly, I tried to ignore it, but it would not go away, I waited a bit longer and it became louder and louder.
So finally I called person D. Because it was so late and I have known him for a very long time so I said straight without dancing around, “Hi person D, I felt I needed to call you now, there is something going on”, he paused and said, “I was about to take my life, only my daughter kept me from doing it”… A few months before His own brother had committed suicide. I asked him “do you want to be free?”, he said yes, I prayed over him, I took authority over the depression, mental oppression and when I took authority over the spirit of suicide and strongly commanded it to depart, he said that in that moment he felt something moved inside and he felt the release.
When I called person A at 2 am, he was shaking in the torment, I asked if he wanted freedom. He said yes, then I took authority and the oppression instantly left person A, he visibly experienced the release, but the next morning, the oppression returned. How come?
Why Does Oppression Hve The Legal Ground To Remain?
There are two different kingdoms, the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of light. As for example, The United Kingdom has it’s own legal system so do both the kingdom of light and the kingdom of darkness. The spirits/oppressions operate from legal grounds.
The kingdom of darkness has the legal right to remain as long as one chooses to hold on to the negative thoughts, images, unforgiveness, continues living in sin, continues to identify himself with false identities etc
The Bible says “If you should say in your heart, ‘These nations are greater than I; how can I dispossess them?’ Deuteronomy 7:17
Imagine if you were taken to the court and the judge was to rule the case, he would say, here is the legal ground for the kingdom of darkness to continue to operate because here is the evidence of personal choice to hold on to… x
So the next day I offered to person A a “30-day challenge” to change his thoughts. It was a list of personalised scriptures to help him to identify with his new identity. The Bible says “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Romans 12:2 so he had to renew his mind to the truth, because “know the truth and the truth will set you free”. John 8:32
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
c. Break False Identities
In many cases people who have been tempted with a suicide have entertained the thoughts, images from the kingdom of darkness for such a long time that they have formed false identities till they become strongholds. They are more than just a thought, perception or an image, they become deep-rooted beliefs or even identities.
Person A had identified himself with failures from the past which he had told me when referring to himself as being “nothing” and “shame”. That’s an example of a false identity.
d. Protect your imagination
Everything we consume is a seed, so we should be careful what we feed ourselves with. Business world understands this principle pretty well and it is a common concept being taught. The seed includes words, images formed by:
- people we surround ourselves with
- books we read
- movies we watch etc
e. Do not break spiritual laws
When we break spiritual laws, we grant visas (legal right to remain) for the kingdom of darkness. Because of that, the kingdom of darkness has the legal right to offer us it’s own perceptions. For example: have you ever found yourself in a situation when you were deeply convinced you were right, to further realise, it was a completely wrong perception. You know you do not think this way normally, that is most likely a perception from the kingdom of darkness based on a legal ground. When you act on this false perception, you might later regret it.
In 2 out of 4 examples the cause of the suicidal thoughts were because investing in programs that offered to get rich.
The Bible says:
- Do not eat from the table who want to get money quick
- He rushes to get rich brings trouble to his family – Proverbs 15:27 “He who is greedy for gain troubles his own house…”
- One looking to get rich quick has an evil eye: Proverbs 28:22 A man with an evil eye hastens after riches And does not consider that poverty will come upon him.
There is nothing wrong with looking to be prosperous, but there is something wrong with looking to get rich quick, it causes en evil eye, brings trouble and brings sorrow.
Instead, we should look to be blessed in order to be a blessing to others. Very different way of thinking, where the motive is love instead of self.
f. Protect your heart
If your environment is a source of constant drama, conflicts, judgments and accusations you got to learn to protect yourself.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 New Living Translation (NLT)
Do not lose peace, very few people value peace, they do not see it as a highly valuable currency, many are happy to trade peace for some extra money, opportunity to gain something quickly etc, the book of Colossians says “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts” 3:15
g. Have a grateful heart Being grateful is a powerful antidote to entertaining negative destructive thoughts. The two cannot co-exist.
Follow Up
Nearly 100 days later, when I called person A, I was not sure if I was calling the right person. I lifted up the phone and looked at the name of the person I called. I could not believe it. Person A did not sound like person A.
He used to massively stutter, and it would take him a long time to say a simple sentence. When I spoke to him at that time, he was virtually flawless, on the top of that he was full of joy and very optimistic about his life. I could not believe it.
He used to suffer from a massive stuttering for virtually his entire life. In order to get rid of it, he tried everything he could, he improved a bit but never got healed from it. When I asked him about it, he said the previous techniques were like a plaster, bringing only a small improvement but never addressing the root problem. This time the prayers and the process addressed the rooted problem, which was deep sited fear. Not only his mind got restored but as a “side effect” he got healed from stuttering and now he lives a fear-free life. All the glory goes to God.
Please find resources that further explain the spiritual laws
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